Manage Parenting Frustrations

Parenting is the toughest job you’ll ever have.  No words ring truer, than for those who know the experience.  If it were any other job, you would quit.  Yet, in parenting, you are expected to handle what you are dealt, without question, with little thanks, at any hour of the day (or night), and essentially without formal training.

Of course there are the irreplaceable moments in parenthood, the ones that remind you why parenting is worthwhile.  Stick figure drawings of your family, with you at the center; the hand crafted coupon book gifted to you on Mother/Father’s Day; the smell of your child’s head as they cuddle in your lap; or seeing evidence of your teenager maturing into a young adult.

We embrace these moments with ease and joy.  Less easily embraced are the challenging situations that come with parenthood, especially with younger children.  These situations have the potential to elevate anger and frustration, and lead to regrettable actions.  Acts that are physically or verbally harmful to a child.  Sadly, one in seven children experience neglect or abuse in the U.S.

Part of being human is to experience emotions.  Thus, every one of us is vulnerable to responding inappropriately, especially when combined with other life stressors.  We cannot stop emotions, but with training and awareness, we can better handle and role-model a situation threatening to get out of control.

In other words, child abuse is preventable because it starts with you.  Hone your skills in self-regulation (controlling thoughts and behaviors) as a step towards prevention.  Then, build support systems, because that too is a necessity for success.

Ways to practice self-regulation  

1. Visualization.  When emotions run high, visualize a stop sign (or other symbol relevant to you) to tell your brain you need to step away from the situation.
2. Acknowledge your emotions.  Identify your emotion, whether it’s anger, frustration, fatigue, disappointment, not feeling heard or all of the above.  You are allowed to have these emotions, you do not have to suppress them.  Nor do you have to act on them.
3. Think before you act.  Ask yourself if the action you want to take will really solve the problem?  This is a great follow-up question to ask after visualizing your symbol to stop.
4. Create space.  Physically remove yourself from the situation, and communicate your need for space in order to calm down.
5. Engage in a healthy outlet.  Exercise, dance, or art are examples of healthy activities to release emotions.

Create a supportive environment   

1. Attend a parent support group.  Knowing you’re not alone, and understanding child development stages, makes it easier to handle this tough job.
2. Self-care.  Even small acts of self-care allow you to be your best self.  Isn’t that how you want your kids to see you?
3. Eat regularly and nutritiously.  “Hanger” is a real thing, don’t let low blood sugar drive your emotions.
4. Ask for help.  A 24/7 job cannot be done alone.  Which friends, family, neighbors, or non-profit groups can help provide the resources you need to succeed?

Watch for signs of abuse caused by others.